Clandestine Joys

My lips are at least 3 times their normal size. (This is not an exaggeration) They look disgusting. They hurt. I can’t open my mouth or eat. I can barely talk. I have a fever. You know how when you eat something really spicy, and then afterwards your lips kind of have a burning sensation? That’s what my lips feel like all the time. And it’s worse when I eat. But am I allowed to take just one sick day? Of course not! The idea of me being able to go home was never even entertained.

This has been going on since last week, but it wasn’t really noticeable to others. Now, people react with horror when they see my face. I went to the doctor and got meds yesterday, but it’s only gotten worse.

Also, you know how when you google whatever illness you think you have, and the images are always at least 10 times worse than what yours is? Well. I’ve googled the doctor’s diagnosis and my mom’s diagnosis, and neither one of them has images that look half as bad as I do. MY FACE LOOKS WORSE THAN THE ENTIRE INTERNET.

And so, I sit at my desk wearing a face mask and whimpering quietly to myself. Now, excuse me while I try to find a food small enough to shove through my tiny mouth hole so I don’t die of malnutrition.

I swear, going to the gynecologist here is like one sick fucking joke. Every single experience I’ve had has been awful and ridiculous. Like, really? You won’t give me a prescription for my problem even though I have test results confirming that this is my problem, but you aren’t offering any other solutions. Suuuuuuper helpful. And personally, I didn’t find the lecture on never using tampons ever (because reasons) very helpful. Especially if your only solution is pads. I’m also not a big fan of the sex bad always forever lecture about the sex I’m not even having. So, thanks.

And if doctors here could please stop reading to me from WebMD, I would really appreciate it. I can do that shit myself, and it doesn’t exactly help instill confidence in your doctor-ing abilities.